We all have the ability to feel joy. From the moment we are born, we can recall happy times, understanding and reflecting on our emotions. It is easy for us to feel joy as children. The world is new, our experiences are new, and there is so much to discover in day-to-day life. Then, the first of the challenges presents itself. Whether it be losing a friend, failing at something we tried hard at, or not fitting in, our joy is blocked and held captive. We have been put in the pathway of adversity with no tangible way out.

It’s important to note that we all feel this way from time to time. Everyone faces adversity in his or her own way and is able to overcome it. In fact, the more we face adversity and the more we overcome it, the easier it is for us to build resilience against the issues we face. However, building resilience through overcoming adversity are not the same as rediscovering what it’s like to feel joy. This is one of the basic premises in Option B — that even through loss and talking about issues, rediscovering joy is not an easy feat.

If you are going through a dilemma and have been able to come out on the other side, then you have overcome your challenge. This is more than enough reason to smile, but sometimes we get caught up in past feelings and anxieties that prohibit us from feeling true joy. If we’ve been antagonized by someone and were able to confront them, that confrontation will not bring us joy. In fact, after the confrontation, we might think about the things that were said, the horrible things said about us, and relive the experience again and again. We’re not free from the memory. Just because we have overcome the challenge does not automatically mean that we feel good about ourselves or the circumstance. This is why the notion of rediscovering what joy is and what it means to us is so important.

But why Option B? If you think of your ideal, your Option A, it’s probably easy and relatively painless. It’s your “best case scenario”. In situations like that, it’s easy to be happy. Let’s say your best case scenario is going to a yearly music festival with a friend. You two have fun listening to the same music and enjoying the same food. The weather is great for an outdoor event and you don’t get tired easily.

But your Option B, the scenario that might not be your ideal but that needs to happen in case of an emergency, does not include your friend’s presence. You might not want to attend events or do things you used to without your friend, but sometimes you can and you must. It is in these moments, these gritty revelations, that we really understand what building resilience is. In moments like these, we have to find the joy and understand that it is accessible, if we’re willing to look.